Suffering Assigned

My Uncle J passed December 15, 2024. We scheduled his celebration of life for January 4, 2025. My grandma asked if I would say a few words, like a short sermon at his celebration. Immediately after this request was made, I had one question resounding in my mind. What am I supposed to say? 

I’ve been working with A Christian Ministry in the National Parks for about three months now, giving sermons every Sunday but this felt completely different. I honestly wondered if I’d even be able to do it. But after praying and seeking guidance from trusted friends, I was told it was ok if I didn’t have the perfect words, it’s my hearts intention that counts. It was then that I knew what I would say.

I’ve been experiencing death a lot in the last couple of years, unfortunately I know this part of the cycle of life is unavoidable. There’s a 100% chance that each one of us will die. No matter how much we try to prepare ourselves, it still hurts, like a soldering iron whipped across the heart, the pain is searing. 

When I first heard of my uncle's death I was actually out walking with my son. He had been struggling, and I figured it was time to have a talk. My favorite talks with my son is when we are walking side by side. It allows us to do something while thinking. I’ve also learned that guys hear better side to side instead of when conversing face to face. While walking and talking, it was dawning on me just how much my son is growing up. 

In the last few years, I have taught my kids something we like to call capturing arrows. This practice is based on the idea that our fight is not against flesh and blood but against powers and principalities. That the devil twists the truth just enough that stick in us like arrows and convince us of more lies. If we don’t fix the original twisted truth, then the devil will be able to convince us of more and more lies. However, if we figure out where the truth has been twisted then we can capture those arrows, line them with truth and stop the devil in his tracks. It works for many things. 

However, when my son and I were walking I realized he’s gotten to the age where it’s no longer just twisted truths. 

Life gets harder as you grow up. 

He’s having to recognize that the truth is that sometimes life sucks.

Sometimes life comes swinging and there’s nothing you can do to fix it. We had a wonderful talk about how even when life comes at us all fast and furious and rips the rug out from under our feet we can’t just desperately swing our hands around looking for anything else we can control. I had used the example of Peter, when the officers came to take Jesus away. He too swung, trying to help, trying to control anything he could control. He cut off the high priest’s ear and then Jesus turned to Peter and said, “Put your sword away, shall I not drink of the cup that the Father assigned to me.” [paraphrased John 18:10-11]

Truth is, dying on the cross sucked. There was no easy way to get through that time! And Jesus knew that! Jesus knew in order to bring about the glory of God, our redemption, He had to go through the suffering assigned to Him. 

We have to lean into the bittersweet truth that we can’t control anything but ourselves. Some situations can’t be controlled, it’s just something that happens. Something that feels hard and unfair. Sometimes the best way to control ourselves is by recognizing that even the hard difficult emotions are a part of life too. We are not expected to always feel happy, successful, wanted, etc. 

My son and I were talking about how it’s ok to not be ok, life is hard sometimes and, in those moments, we have to fully surrender to God knowing He is bigger than it all. And that is when I got the phone call that my uncle was gone. My son got to witness those first hard searing moments of receiving heart breaking news of just how unfair life can feel at times. I had to fall to my knees and sob; I had no strength left. Those body wrenching sobs that make you feel like you are drowning in oxygen. 

We need to allow ourselves a moment to release the emotions, scream at the windshield, cry at the wind, lay and let the falling rain drench our faces, until we can finally be ok with sweet surrender. Because when we stop trying to control anything else and we instead fall into surrender, we find ourselves being held in the sweet arms of Jesus. He is called the wonderful counselor after all, a direct connection between our broken hearts and the God who heals. Wrapped up in his love, we can find healing. It won’t ever happen overnight. But sometimes the process of healing is where we find the purpose for our pain.

Recently I heard a phrase that has stuck with me: “Grief is the greatest show of love; it’s all the love that you didn’t have time to show to them bubbling up to the surface. We will never have enough time with our loved ones on earth, grief allows us to carry a piece of them with us even after they’re gone.” Grief is not something we move on from, it’s something we learn how to carry with us. And when it feels like we couldn’t possibly carry on that is when we find that God will sustain us, He will give us the strength to carry on.

I urge you, caution. Although I am telling you that there is a good thing to grief, that it’s good to be ok with experiencing these hard emotions. I warn there is also an ugly side. It’s good to know when you are spiraling into the dark side. Usually, it comes when we are not fully surrendering to the fear of God in these hard emotions. The fear of God in the sense of knowing that He is bigger than everything, recognizing His sovereignty. We have breath in our lungs because He is Yahweh. His definition of abundance is very different than ours and sometimes when we get stuck in our own definitions, we assume He is not the same God. 

Be careful of the dark side of grief.

When I was spiraling in this darker side of grief, still trying to control, afraid I’d be overwhelmed by the tidal wave, it was my husband who reminded me of the key to peace. It’s in Philippians 4:6-7. The key to peace is gratitude. Remembering all those sweet precious moments when we were blessed. Remembering everything that has been done in our lives, praising the glory of God. Mom had asked me for a suggestion as to where to go for my uncles celebration of life. I had suggested Kerrville TX because I have sweet memories of him there, eating on the porch at the cafe on the ridge, shopping for succulents at the greenhouse, walking along the empty cross path, fishing on the river down at Kerrville campground. And suddenly in all these sweet memories of gratitude, I’m surrounded by a blanket of peace that comforts me in my grief.

Gratitude is key.

Gratitude reminds us to give praise where it is due even when the world is crashing all around us. Gratitude keeps us humble. Gratitude reminds us just how loved we are by a God who gave up everything to have us. Gratitude reminds us that Jesus came down to meet us in the lowest of lows, so that He could be our wonderful counselor. He went through the most difficult pain and trauma afforded to mankind; He walks alongside us in our own. He doesn’t just care, He knows our pain as His own.

Surrender allows us to experience something quite strange, it allows us to experience peace in the midst of our grief. Because we know beyond a shadow of a doubt that He is with us in our pain, and He has a plan to prosper us.

This is hope renewed, knowing that there is a purpose for my pain… I’m not just going through this for no reason. I go through hard things to understand Christs heart more clearly.

Thank you so much for reading! If you enjoyed this read: please like, comment, share or follow. It truly does help my page get into the feeds of new people and hopefully continue to share the love and hope of Jesus Christ on social media.