Foxhole to Furnace

As we are unpacking our home, tearing it apart bit by bit, I’m facing the reality of just how much sacrifice this will be. Researching the #vanlife & #fulltimervlife I hear testimony after testimony of why most people start this. The two most common reasons I hear can be summed up as escape or seeking. People who enter this life are often escaping something or else they are searching for something. We are doing neither. Which leads me consistently to the question, why are we doing this?

I can’t tell you how many people have told us flat out to our faces that us taking three kids and three cats through out the United States of America and Canada makes us absolutely crazy. Our sanity is consistently questioned. Possibly for good reason. When I listen to the human side of me, I hear the pounding of fear in my head trying to understand what is coming and how it’ll be possible, I hear the breaking of a heart because it’s leaving behind fantastic friends and a beautiful life that we’ve created for our family, I hear the falling of my tears and the resounding question of why. We’re not escaping anything and we’re not searching for anything. In fact, one may say that we are comfortable and content here. So why must we leave?

It dawned on me that perhaps Moses asked similar questions. In fact, he did not want to leave the desert. He was comfortable and he tried to use every excuse of why he shouldn’t go. Excuses that echo in my mind. 

“Who am I that I should go?”

“Why me God?”

“Who will believe anything that I say?”

“Do I have anything worth listening to?” 

"Am I even capable of doing something like this?"

It’s funny when I think about where I was just a few years ago. I was begging and pleading for even one friend. I was in a whirlwind stage of life where it felt like anything was picked up and used as a flying trajectory weapon against me. Nothing felt safe. I had to truly praise God in the storm, praying for His guidance and safety. Then God started surrounding me with His people. He started bringing people into my life who helped barricade me in a place of safety. 

Soldiers fighting on the front lines often have these trenches they fight in which they call foxholes. It’s where they build barricades and tend to their wounded, it’s where they do life together as they do battle. God was creating for me, my own foxhole. He was bringing in fellow soldiers who would hold my hand as I faced the war I called life.

When we ended up homeless these are the people who helped keep my children fed, my soul from completely loosing hope. When I was on my knees pleading for answers, these are the people who got on their knees right along side of me. When my grandma died in my arms and I felt like loosing myself to the bleakness of despair, these are the people who took me by the hand and pulled me into the light. When my daughter needed two separate surgeries one after another and I feared loosing her too, these are the people who cared for the rest of my family and my home. When we were robbed and I began to fight for my sobriety, these were my 2am phone calls. There were many trials they went through in which I gladly hopped into the trenches with them and helped to protect them in return. These were my family, I’d gladly take a bullet for them.

Over time though the canons have quieted, bullets have slowed their whizzing, battle cries have silenced and now I’m realizing the front lines have shifted. Now God is calling me forth. 

A part of me was reluctant…. I just got done fighting a battle, why should I go out and seek the front lines again? Where’s my peace? Where’s my reward? When is my break?

Building kingdom family doesn’t work like that though does it; the work of the Lord will never be done till the day of redemption. Perhaps I’ll never see the return for my work, perhaps I have to learn to be content and grateful in the midst of the storm. 

Besides, the people here in my foxhole had grown to be my family. This is my village, my little slice of heaven on Earth. This is my kingdom family. Why must I leave them?

Saying goodbye is so difficult.

Walking into the front lines will be even harder.

It made me think of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego. They were just living their lives when they were called into the fire. Do they sacrifice their integrity to do what was demanded of them or do they stand for something they truly believed? “If the God we serve exists, then he can rescue us from the furnace of blazing fire, and he can rescue us from the power of you, the king. But even if he does not rescue us, we want you as king to know that we will not serve your gods or worship the gold statue you set up.” (Daniel 3:17-18)

I don’t think this was doubt on their part. I think they were recognizing that God may have a different plan. However they knew in their own hearts that what was being requested goes against what their God had taught them. So they would stand strong in their convictions, understanding that no matter what may happen, no matter what they would get out of it, they would live according to the conviction of their God. And so they were thrown into the fire. In fact, it is said it was made especially difficult for them. Sometimes when we live according to God's convictions, life is made even harder for us, just because we follow Yahweh. However in the furnace we see a cameo appearance of the Lord Savior Jesus Christ.

When God calls us into the fiery furnace, He is sure to meet us in the flames.

So we go forward, propelled by the convictions of our God. Encouraged that we will not be alone. Hoping that in these fiery trials we will be refined, forged into warriors working for His kingdom.

It is time to leave this foxhole, it is time to leave this stronghold. And I know if in the future I must flee from the enemy, I have a safe place to turn to. I have people who will pray, support and encourage me to keep fighting the good fight. 

I encourage you to pray for the right people to keep in your foxhole. Those who will challenge you, push you, encourage you, support you and pray with you. Those to do life with and to fight the good fight, shoulder to shoulder. Those who will remind you to look up to Jehovah Nissi, banner over you, in the midst of the battle.

But if you already are in the middle of the flames, give praise to the One who will meet you in the fire. You are not alone.