Fearless

Fearless

So we finally found the Canada we had always heard about. It’s in the Northern Territories. I never knew whether Canada had provinces or territories. I was always confused and for good reason. Because they have both!

The four lower provinces and the northern territories. It helped me understand maps a whole lot better after I learned that.

Alberta is flat as a rock. Someone told me British Columbia was where the mountains would start and sure enough: We found the mountains and lost cell service. There’s vast wilderness as far as the eye can see. I had met a lady in a grocery store when I asked her for help finding chicken patties who commented on the vast sky. She had no idea what I was asking for when I asked for chicken patties. At first I was afraid she was one who just spoke pure French but then she thankfully asked me in English, “What the heck is a chicken patty?” “You know for sandwiches or chicken parm.” Both her face and her coworkers face looked even more alarmed. 😆 We had a lovely talk when I mentioned I was from Texas.

It was funny how in her ignorance she said how we must never get to see the sky with all of our skyscrapers all across Texas 🤨 I just nodded my head and was like, “Canada does have a nice sky.” I didn’t tell her, though I definitely thought it, that though they don’t have skyscrapers I still have to look straight up to see the sky because of how large their pine trees are. 🤷‍♀️

Back to patties. They don’t even sell frozen chicken nuggets!! They had to take me to the butcher section where they had freshly breaded chicken tenders. And they don’t even sell it in plastic bags, they sell it in boxes. In fact there are no plastic bags anywhere to be found! You know how some stores in America give an option of reusable or plastic? Here in Canada it is reusable bags or your own two hands!

Food here in Canada is also completely different! I had to buy the kids some candy because it doesn’t have any of the harmful food dyes and I was curious if it was just as tasty. It was! Probably even better! I am honestly loving the fact that there’s almost no harmful chemicals in anything I look up the ingredients to. It is difficult trying to navigate the French writing to find the English words but you get used to it.

Josh and I are going ballistic over certain foods because they taste that much better! Like cheese! I used to be able to eat whole blocks of cheese growing up, just ask my mom it used to drive her nuts. 😂 But then something changed. I was thinking it was my body, getting older and my gut not able to handle it. But now I know it’s the ingredients! I can eat blocks of cheese no problem up here in Canada…. It’s so yummy! 😋

Driving through Canada is much different than driving through America. In America the landscape is so diverse! It changes drastically and keeps you entertained. Here in Canada the miles or rather shall I say kilometers blend together. Trees upon trees. Road stripes flashing past almost as quickly as the radio flies through all 106 channels with nothing to stop on. Every once in a while we will see a wild animal, a bear, big horn sheep, deer or bison. For a moment we’re entertained, only to be greeted by more endless pines.

Some stretches of road are a little terrifying… and their names don’t help! Names such as Suicide Hill with its warning “Prepare to meet your maker”, Cemetery Road, Destruction Bay, or Deadman’s Pass. Thankfully Suicide Hill was a road you turn off onto but it still stuck in my head after reading that sign.

With a lack of connection, no cities in sight (literally some of these so called towns are 2-5 buildings and the speed limit doesn’t even drop!), and feeling lost amongst the pines with no other cars around (even in passing). You begin to wonder, will this road ever end? Did we fall off the edge of the world?

Josh and I are beginning to have more and more strange occurrences of DeJaVu. Did we go through this before? Are we stuck in a time warp? Or did our minds just create this back when we were trying to think ahead of what could be next? Who knows.. but it does freak one out a bit. Am I going crazy?

Then there’s those moments when one gets so bored you start imagining all the what ifs. What if we fall off this cliff? What if we get attacked by a moose? What if that single car we see coming our way hits us head on? No worries, I’m not suicidal. I’m just bored and my mind is wandering, I am having to consistently take captive my thoughts.

Don’t even get me started on my dreams. Some of the places that we’ve stopped and boondocked because there was nothing else around seemed kind of precarious. So in my sleep it feels like I’m in a constant state of semi consciousness. Every noise echoes in my dreams in a never ending loop where my imagination gets crazier and crazier of what it could be.

The other day I woke from a nightmare created by one of these loops and I couldn’t figure out where I was. It took me a long while to recognize I was in fact in the RV. Then I had to look out the window to try and guess which spot I was in. Makes me curious how the residents here keep from loosing their mind. I don’t think I could live out here so far from civilization.

It does make me think a lot more about fear. What is fear? It’s a question that has bombarded me for months! What is fear?

I’m beginning to think fear is often a response to anything we cannot control or understand.

I think I wrote a previous post about fear so I won’t get too much into that again.

Another fun fact about the Alaskan Highway here in the northern territories…. Most roads do not have lines. Idk if they ran out of paint or if there comes a point where the road builders just assume it doesn’t matter anymore. So it’s just a thin strip of asphalt, sometimes gravel, traveling in between the mountains, alongside rivers so close some parts are actually washed out or next to cliff edges with no guard rail in sight. Good luck fellow travelers!

We’ve been collecting bumper stickers to stick on the RV of where we’ve been. In Alberta we looked everywhere and couldn’t find one anywhere. Then in British Columbia the first sticker Josh managed to find says “I survived the Alaskan Highway!” Seemed good enough but little did I know that we should have taken that as a warning!

As wind pushed against our RV in the plains of Alberta, the howling wind pushing us off the road and at times almost succeeding as our precious Grand Design began to viciously swerve out of control. As our tires ground the gravel close to cliff edges with no guard rails hanging on by a thread because a careless driver coming from the other side got too close to us. As torrents of rain beat on us going down mountainous roads with 10% grade teased our traction. As the truck started to break down where we had no service and no one was around for miles and no one was driving past either way. We have found ourselves in plenty of opportunities to be with fear.

Psalm 27 has been ringing through my mind.

1 

The Lord is my light and my salvation—    whom shall I fear?The Lord is the stronghold of my life—    of whom shall I be afraid?

2 

When the wicked advance against me    to devour me,it is my enemies and my foes    who will stumble and fall.

3 

Though an army besiege me,    my heart will not fear;though war break out against me,    even then I will be confident.

4 

One thing I ask from the Lord,    this only do I seek:that I may dwell in the house of the Lord    all the days of my life,to gaze on the beauty of the Lord    and to seek him in his temple.

5 

For in the day of trouble    he will keep me safe in his dwelling;he will hide me in the shelter of his sacred tent    and set me high upon a rock.

6 

Then my head will be exalted    above the enemies who surround me;at his sacred tent I will sacrifice with shouts of joy;    I will sing and make music to the Lord.

7 

Hear my voice when I call, Lord;    be merciful to me and answer me.

8 

My heart says of you, “Seek his face!”    Your face, Lord, I will seek.

9 

Do not hide your face from me,    do not turn your servant away in anger;    you have been my helper.Do not reject me or forsake me,    God my Savior.

10 

Though my father and mother forsake me,    the Lord will receive me.

11 

Teach me your way, Lord;    lead me in a straight path    because of my oppressors.

12 

Do not turn me over to the desire of my foes,    for false witnesses rise up against me,    spouting malicious accusations.

13 

I remain confident of this:    I will see the goodness of the Lord    in the land of the living.

14 

Wait for the Lord;    be strong and take heart    and wait for the Lord.

When we are assailed by all these terrifying things, scripture tells us to look upon the beauty and goodness of the Lord, to seek His face.

If we paid too much attention to the wind, we would have missed the endless plains with its vast blue sky. If we paid too much attention to the cliffs edge, we would have missed the overview of the lake with its turquoise blue water contrasted by the deep green pines and tall mountains on the other side. If we paid too much attention to the lack of traction we would have missed what the mountains look like when they’re half covered by fog and rain. If we paid too much attention to the broken down truck we would have missed witnessing God performing a miracle when He had that truck get us all the way to our destination, drop the RV and then officially quit working when we got to an area where Josh has the resources to fix it.

Now some may argue that it’s good to pay attention to these things, I’m not saying to ignore them. However in Psalm 27 they were facing an army and God didn’t say how to make plans, He said to seek His beauty! Sometimes we have to let go of our fear, knowing we serve the God Almighty, King of the Universe! There’s nothing to fear more than Him! And we have to know He’s got us! And then we enjoy the journey. Bumps and all.

So we prayerfully and gratefully arrived to our destination. The Alaskan Highway is worse than we were told, it is terrifying and we’re blessed to be at our destination. Many things in the RV and truck are broken. We are trying to remember what the heck we are doing! The journey was truly worth the trip but the only thing going through my head is in two months we have to drive that all over again and our funds are depleted! Everything is broken and they all will require money to fix. What will we ever do?

Remember that fear? It’s staring us directly in the face now almost taunting us, “you sure you can have faith through this too?”

Josh and I seem to be taking turns reminding each other to trust God. I’ll get too much in my head of all that has to be done and fixed and how it’s all going to work out and Josh will ask, “Who are you trusting?” Josh will flip out over yet another thing to add to his honey do list of things to fix and I’ll give him a hug and remind him that Gods got us.

I don’t know how it’s all going to work out. I can’t even imagine it all falling back into its rightful place. My fear steals away the spotlight sometimes and I focus on how little I know and understand right now. Life seems too big and overwhelming and I feel like I’m drowning in a sea of despair.

I imagine that’s how they felt when the troops had them surrounded. Whole armies surrounding their small minuscule numbers. Surely they knew in that moment they were toast! And God says “Oh look a butterfly!”…. Thanks??

No but really…. Our RV resting place for the next long while is nestled between these beautiful mountains and glaciers in a field of wildflowers. In the background I can hear a river rushing, it’s what I fall asleep to. This is quite literally my dream home. What a blessing!

Further, I serve a God of the impossible! Truly! He spoke all of this into existence! All this beauty bends to his beck and call, even the mountains towering over me. Even the glaciers singing in the distance. Who am I to question what He can and can’t do?

A good friend of mine was sitting in the car with me when the song Oceans came on. I love the chorus where it sings over and over again, “Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders, Let me walk upon the waters, Wherever you would call me, Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander, and my faith will be made stronger, in the presence of my Savior.” I couldn’t help but sing it at the top of my lungs and she told me “you should be careful singing this song. What if it comes true?” I just sighed and said something along the lines of, “Can you imagine if it did tho, how far would He take me if I simply have the willingness to go?”

To Alaska…. In an RV… that’s where He would take you Zerah. lol 😂 maybe I should have heeded my friend’s warning. Because just like she said, maybe this is farther than I wanted to be taken. But maybe just maybe, although God’s will may at times hurt, may challenge us, may push us out of our comfort zone, perhaps it prospers us in the sense that it grows us, matures us, creates us into better beings.

And as I stand here, before this RV that we’ve dragged from Texas that is now standing in this field of Alaskan wildflowers; I realize it is kind of beautiful! In its own majestic powerful way. And I know I can stand here in confidence and raise a hallelujah! God led us here and He will show us what’s next.