Defining Notes

That goal that seemed so impossible, to get back to the lower 48, has come to fruition. I was so focused on getting back down to Colorado in time for ministry training that I wasn’t paying much attention to what was being accomplished.

We arrived to the resort with one hour to spare before my training began. We had been told we’d be allowed to bring the RV and my family to the event and just boondock in the parking lot. However as soon as we got there security flew upon us like coyotes on a carcass. They didn’t even want us on the premises. We are out of funds. We can’t afford a campground and a huge part of me leaned into that human fear side of myself. I panicked! What are we going to do?

Thankfully after discussing between the actual conference ground managers and the leader of my ministry, we worked out that we could park the RV but couldn’t camp in it. We were able to spend two restless nights at the resort where it sounded like a herd of elephants was doing a HIIT class right above us starting at 4am. But hey, we had “full hookup” including a shower. We also had the blessing of three square meals a day. Although it wasn’t expected, we tried to see the blessing in it.

And so I tucked my head down and trudged through several classes as they poured into us to equip us for this upcoming season. A Christian Ministry In The National Parks aims to share the love of Christ in the National Park. They are not funded by the government in any way. The missionaries get a paying job with the parks, find a place to live and build a community and are supported by people like you! Every Sunday we have a permit to hold an event, which is when we put on a worship service for the campers who are visiting the parks or for the employees who live there. It seems to be a great program and I feel honored to be working with them.

You can learn more about them here! https://acmnp.com/about/

One of my favorite parts about the weekend was when we all sat around the fire pit on Sunday morning and worshipped God together. There was something raw and powerful as we sat there in the glory of the Rocky Mountains lifting our voices together to praise our Creator! At times the pine scented air carried the echoing bugle of a nearby Elk. It only served to remind us just how wild the location was where we were at sitting there praising God.

In that moment, I began to cry as I thought back to the beginning of that weekend. I had felt like I wasn’t even allowed to be there after the security guards tried to push us out. Then that feeling of not belonging magnified when I met these incredible people who clearly had a strong love for Jesus Christ. They spoke truth powerfully and boldly and their entire countenance reflected the God-given spirit of love and confidence and of a sound mind. How can I compare?

I’m sure it’s surprising to each of us when we recognize just how shaky another person’s confidence truly is. I berate myself so much, I fear not being enough. We all want love and whether we want to recognize this truth or not, we all question how we can ever earn that love.

It didn’t help when in some of the classes we were told about creating our own “orbits”, how to attract and pull people in. I’m sorry but what? Have you met me? I’m an introvert. I struggle to hold a conversation with more than one person unless I’m on a stage where I don’t have to see people’s faces, there I’m just speaking to the masses.

I would much prefer to hide behind my paper and pens and share my heart through writing. I don’t have this confidence they were speaking of to get entire park crews involved in nerf gun wars or holiday parties. What am I doing here? Why did I ever think that I could go to a National Park and work with a ton of people and share the love of Christ with them? My heart races when I consider even saying hi to a stranger. I don’t belong here! I can’t do this!

Perhaps it was the moment when the strongest personality there admitted just how petrified they were in coming to training. Perhaps it was when I was reminded that the Body of Christ requires people of different strengths. Perhaps it was when I was gently reminded that God does not give me a spirit of timidity but one of confidence; recognizing that I did nothing to earn His love but there’s nothing I can do to lose it either. Whatever it was or maybe it was a combination of it all, I came to recognize that God made me who I am.

I won’t lie, I wish I was one of the outgoing ones. The ones everyone seems to naturally gravitate to. The ones who truly are like the sun, creating their own gravitational orbit. But when I kept catching the planets who spun out of those orbits, I realized my place. The suns are unable to chase after planets falling out of their orbit because wherever they go they bring their crowds with them. But God created me to be the one to catch those falling stars. To hear their tears, to speak love and hope in quiet corners and then spring them back into the heavens where they can continue to twinkle. I may feel like a pinky toe in the Body of Christ, but I still have purpose. And so do you. You too belong. So stop being envious of how other people are, stop comparing.

Romans 15:5-6 says “Now may the God of patience and comfort grant you to be like-minded toward one another, according to Christ Jesus, that you may with one mind and one mouth glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.” That word for one mind is one of my favorites in the Greek language. It’s “homothymadon” which describes almost a poetic image of how different notes flow together in unity and harmony, like music. So as a talented maestro, the Holy Spirit brings us all together using our diversity to create a masterpiece. Our unique differences are necessary in order to create harmony within the Spirit. It’s not saying that we have “one mind” in the sense that we all think alike. Rather it’s almost the opposite, that through our experiences and different opinions we can be united through the love of Jesus Christ.

So I am exactly as God created me to be, and when I choose to live in His grace and love He calls me priceless. I am an integral part of His magnificent symphony.

And so are you.

By not recognizing our own gifts aren’t we doubting the Creator? Or shouldn’t we trust that God is all knowing and created us exactly as we are with purpose and intention? Who am I to say He is wrong by saying that I am lacking?

But in my weakness I shall boast because when I am weak then He is strong.

After that powerful moment of recognizing the beautiful harmony of Gods people up in those Rocky Mountains, I felt like I could finally breathe. I finally understood my place in this ministry and now it was time to be sent out.

Before we began driving to Big Bend, we met with family who lives in Colorado, the same family we had met with back in July. They were sitting there chatting with us about how we’ve come around full circle. And my middle child piped up, “Yep I can’t believe we are basically where we started at!” And it hit me. We have come so far! God is so faithful! We are safe. We are taken care of. And we even have clear guidance as to where we are going next.

I don’t know what will happen next but I know more of who I am because I know now more of who He is! Whatever happens I shall do for the glory of God because I know He cares for me. In that mindset I can all the more boldly serve others with love and prayerfully provide hope to those who desperately need it.

I am a child of Love.

And so are you.